5 Gentle Tips for Coping With the Early Days of Grief
When you lose someone you love, the world can suddenly feel very different.
The routines that once felt ordinary can become difficult. A quiet morning, an empty chair, a photograph on your phone or even making a cup of tea can unexpectedly bring everything rushing back.
And in those first weeks and months, you may find yourself wondering:
Am I supposed to feel like this?
The important thing to remember is that there is no single "right" way to grieve.
Bereavement, grief and loss can affect people in many different ways, and the emotions you experience may change not only from day to day, but from one moment to the next.
Counsellor and psychotherapist
Rebecca McIntosh of Accessible Counselling & Coaching explains that the first few months after a bereavement can often feel particularly intense. This period is commonly referred to as
acute grief.
During this time, emotions may arrive in waves. You might experience sadness, anger, guilt or an intense yearning for the person you've lost. There may also be moments when everything feels surreal — as though part of you still can't quite believe what has happened.
Rebecca has shared five simple, practical suggestions that may help make those early days a little more manageable.
1. Make Self-Care a Priority — Even the Basics Count
When you're grieving, looking after yourself can feel surprisingly difficult.
Things that normally happen without much thought — preparing a meal, drinking enough water or getting dressed — can suddenly require enormous amounts of energy.
So this isn't the time to expect perfection from yourself.
Rebecca suggests trying to eat
small meals or snacks regularly and making sure you stay hydrated with hot or cold drinks.
If preparing a proper meal feels overwhelming, something small is still something.
A piece of toast. A bowl of cereal. Some fruit. A cup of tea.
Sometimes self-care during grief isn't bubble baths and spa days.
Sometimes it's simply giving your body what it needs to get through today.
2. Give Yourself Permission to Rest
Grief can be exhausting.
Even on days when you've physically done very little, you may feel completely drained.
Rebecca explains that grief can cause
emotional exhaustion as well as disruption to sleep, which is why rest can be so important during this time.
You don't need to justify feeling tired.
Your mind and body are processing an enormous change.
If you're struggling to sleep normally, try not to put additional pressure on yourself to be productive simply because you're awake.
Rest when you can.
Slow mornings, early nights, sitting quietly with a cup of tea or simply allowing yourself to do nothing for a while can all have a place in grief.
3. Create a Small Morning Ritual in Their Memory
Rebecca suggests a beautifully simple ritual:
When you make your morning tea or coffee, light a candle in memory of your loved one.
It doesn't need to be elaborate.
You might sit beside their photograph for a few minutes, think about a favourite memory or simply say their name.
When someone dies, there can sometimes be an unspoken expectation that we eventually need to "move on" from them.
But remembering someone doesn't prevent you from continuing with your life.
Small rituals can simply create a space where their memory is still welcome.
And on the days when grief feels particularly heavy, that little ritual can become a comforting moment of connection.
4. Don't Rush to Clear Away Their Belongings
After a bereavement, there can be pressure — from ourselves or sometimes from other people — to start sorting through belongings.
Clothes.
Shoes.
Toiletries.
Books.
Jewellery.
The everyday things they left exactly where they expected to find them again.
Rebecca's advice is simple:
Take your time.
There is no deadline for clearing someone's belongings.
For one person, sorting through things relatively soon might feel comforting. For someone else, even opening a wardrobe months later may feel unbearable.
Neither response is wrong.
You may eventually decide to keep particular items because of the memories attached to them — a handwritten note, a favourite photograph, an item of clothing, a piece of jewellery or something seemingly ordinary that holds enormous meaning to you.
You don't have to make those decisions before you're ready.
5. Find Ways to Express Your Grief and Keep Their Memories Close
Grief contains so many emotions that sometimes words alone don't feel enough.
Rebecca suggests creativity as one possible outlet.
Journaling and drawing may help you express some of what you're feeling, particularly when it's difficult to explain those feelings to somebody else.
You could also write down memories as they come to you.
The funny things they used to say.
Their favourite meal.
The songs they loved.
Stories from childhood.
The little habits that used to drive you mad but that you'd now give anything to see again.
Rebecca also recommends engaging with memories through
storytelling, photographs and meaningful memory objects, including jewellery, as ways of celebrating your loved one's life.
This is something particularly close to our hearts at
Gemz by Emz.
It's why we believe memorial jewellery isn't simply about jewellery.
A photograph, a fingerprint or a few words written in someone's handwriting can represent an entire person and a lifetime of memories.
There is something incredibly powerful about being able to carry a tiny reminder of someone with you.
Not because you're trying to remain in the past.
But because they were part of your life — and their memory continues to be part of your story.
Grief Doesn't Have a Timetable
Perhaps one of the most important things to remember during early grief is that you don't have to do this "properly".
There isn't a schedule.
You don't need to have sorted their belongings by a certain date.
You don't need to stop mentioning them because other people have stopped asking.
You don't need to be "back to normal" after a few weeks or months.
And having a good day doesn't mean you've forgotten them.
Grief can change over time, but the relationship and memories you shared with that person still matter.
For now, concentrating on small things can be enough.
Eat something.
Drink something.
Rest when you need to.
Say their name.
Look at the photographs.
Write down the memories you don't ever want to forget.
And take things one day — or sometimes one hour — at a time.
Need Someone to Talk To?
The practical advice in this article was kindly contributed by
Rebecca McIntosh, Counsellor/Psychotherapist at Accessible Counselling & Coaching.
If you're experiencing bereavement, grief or loss and feel that you would benefit from additional support, you can visit Rebecca's
Accessible Counselling & Coaching Facebook page to learn more about her work:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/2013Rebs
You can also connect with Rebecca on LinkedIn:
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/rebecca-mcintosh-75225158
A huge thank you to Rebecca for allowing us to share these gentle and practical suggestions with the Gemz by Emz community.
This article contains general information about grief and bereavement and is not a substitute for individual professional or medical advice.
